Friend: "Just let it go Elia"
Me: "What do you want me TO FUCKING LET GO??"
My biggest struggle in this physical life is to "let go".
Everything, everyone around me is pushing me to let go. Of what? Ask them.
I think what bothers me in letting go is just this "go".
It feels like I have to get rid of something.
The contrary of letting go is holding on. We hold on to things, events, people, places, because we never wanted to lose them in the first place.
When being asked to let go, we often feel the need to move on, forget about about the past, a person, a part of ourselves we still feel deeply connected to.
Some attachements are so deeply embbed into the fiber of our beings they seem almost impossible to let go. We haven't completed the grief.
It is just not over.
So we bargain.
"If I do this, maybe then they would see this." "Or it would be like before". We try to convince. This is where we lose our confidence.
When we do hold on to them, hoping to finally possess them, isn't it often that they end up possessing us? They have so much power on us that we forget that we never owned them to begin with.
If we are not ready to let go, we should consider letting it be. Integrate both memories and loss into a newer, more mature self. With no intention to change it or to even heal from it. Just let it be.
Perhaps at some point we will realise we let this go, finally !
It's about adjustement, change. About allowing life to carry us to a new place, to a even deeper, freer rendition of self.