Disappointment

Tribute n˚26

I said "I am scared to die, would you come along?"

He said "No."

"Men are not against you; they are merely for themselves"  - Gene Fowler


To Disappointment.

Dealing with disappointment in form of people is always hurtful. We are even more disappointed in ourselves, for being so "vulnerable", for giving them "so much love and trust".

People do what they want to do. Always.

They broke our understanding, and we feel sad, ashamed, angry or even betrayed.

Maybe we have not yet understood understanding.

Understanding is never absolute. Because relationships,and on a bigger scale, humans, never are. A relationship (with a friend, a lover, a parent, a boss, the cat down the road) is only a variable. A constantly fragile variable that needs daily adjustment. Like a boat we decide to drive, a relationship needs care, attention and effort. We decided to take the wheel, right?

There is no such thing as an absolute relationship. Even to our own engine.

Some people think this is scary, I like to think this is relieving. 

How could we ever stop being disappointed? Disappointment is only avoidable when we stop having needs, ambitions or feelings. Then we can have a relationship with the Dead. Or, some of us choose to have a relationship with the Divine. No possible way to ever be disappointed. 

However, people will often not keep their promises, be absent, say terrible things, or even worst, fall dead on us !

Damn them.

Not that we should convince ourselves that we should stop having feelings. We won't.

However, Disappointment is a beautiful gift we are given. Someone has giving us this great opportunity to get closer to the (hurtful but releasing) truth. They pushed us away from an illusionary state, that involved the "illusional them", but also, and most importantly, the "illusional us". The latter is the only one we can control, improve, drive. And the lesson is learned only when we understand how we can grow from this, to reach the best version of ourselves.

And for that, we should (maybe in the future) deeply thank them.

In the mean time we can eat ice-cream...?