"This kid was soooo disrespectful. He called me "Madam". Plus, my favourite brand of cereal is discontinued. This is so unfair and unresponsible. I just want to die. Do you have candy?"
To a buddy I hang out with more & more these days, Maturity.
We, Humans, do not like the unknown so much. Therefore we created a world in which we try to understand the why of everything and if not, we rationalize. We create rules. And rules for rules. We point out and judge everything (and everyone), saying this is "good" or "bad", "wrong" or "right".
As kids, this duality is comforting because it gives us a set of guidelines we can follow to act upon.But what happens when we grow up? Adulthood is a myth. However Maturity can show up ! It is a slow process, an everyday-choice we decide to make. Becoming a mature adult is in fact learning modestly about Ambivalence.
Realizing that reality is often more complicated and less morally neat than what we thought when we were kids. That everything is not black or white. That happiness and suffering are two opposite sides of the same coin. That people are not here to make us happy, but to find their unique path to their own happiness.Grasping the crucial distinction between intention and affect, what the person meant and how it was perceived in our lens, that is itself formed by our history and experiences, is the first marker on the path to genuine Maturity.
To properly grow is to not give in to this impulse to reduce people to what they can do for us rather than what they are, infinite beings in definite bodies, who are also just trying to figure it out. To stop ourselves from judging a little bit too fast a situation we do not have all the elements of.In fact, realizing the ambivalent complex nature of all things belongs to the hardest, and maybe the most rewarding task we are given when coming to life, growing up.