Tribute n˚187

this week, i commit to moving towards that which i have tied to avoid and escape for so long.

i trust that facing my fears do not make them more real, but easier to disprove.

in times of panic, i engage more safely with my unique life’s promise. i ask my inner child to connect me more deeply with Life’s force & use my imagination as safe navigation.

i ask for help and support. i was never designed to bear this alone. no one ever was.

it takes an intentionally designed village as well as nurturing softness inner space to survive, let alone thrive, through deep seasons of change.

different is how the future is built. i am ready.

all the words of this tribute send a kiss of encouragement, care & gratitude. thank you for reading me dear selflover !

Tribute n˚186

acknowledging the cage around me is the first step towards finding my way out.
some cages give me safety, some keep me smaller than i am. i commit to looking for the way out of any cage that keeps me from growing. i commit to setting my selves free.
patience and softness will be my best friends in the process.

as i welcome the equinox and darkness wins over light in the northern hemisphere, i retrieve to darker places, where i can make space for transforming my transgressions into gold.
i don’t have to run so hard: i can only escape my selves for so long. when the edges of the pain aren’t as sharp anymore, i’ll be ready.

i promise my selves the tears i cried will turn into diamonds that fall through my skies.

and i'll set me free.

happy full moon in pisces, dear selflovers <3

Tribute n˚185

this week, I commit to embracing uncomfortable emotions to meet my selves deeper and liberate my selves.

if happiness was Life’s end goal, I would know. Life is as magical as it is terrifying. trying to avoid those “negative” or “uncomfortable” feelings often leads to denying my selves the wisdom those emotions brings to my table. 

there is no magic recipe to avoid Life’s tragic moments or secure its happy ending: refusing to experience and hold the full scope of emotions only keeps me from being actually happy: 

“I won’t try because I don’t want to be disappointed.”

“I will not be seen trying because I do not want to fail.”

“I want this feeling to go away.”

there’s no way I can meet “love & light” if it wasn’t for fear & darkness. courage is not the absence of fear, it is fear still walking.

i understand that true happiness - however i define it for my selves - is an outcome that comes from living as authentically and in integrity as possible, not a cheap end goal for which I should sacrifice honesty. 

whatever keeps me from being vulnerable & radically honest keeps me from being.

it’s not sadness, grief, pain or even shame that are worst case scenarios. self-denial is.

“not to feel is to have dead people goals. 

discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life.” - Suzan David

Every word of this tribute sends a kiss of love, care and gratitude, dear selflover!

Tribute n˚184

this week, by intentionally choosing the infinite now over the unchangeable past, i strike a match on the force of life itself and turn it into a venture of self-realisation.
by already embracing the promising future & its valuable lessons now, i conjure it with my whole body.
even when vulnerable to the whims of life’s demands, I know i will be okay: healing is always here to be found.
i promise my selves I will choose healing, over and over again.

i look back at my life not to focus on what i haven’t done but to celebrate how far i’ve come. i know there's always going to be more to be done. always.

choosing not to focus on the “more’ or “better” is refusing limiting capitalistic ideas that i am only what i produce. instead of getting more, i focus on unlearning & releasing what’s not mine.

if i can’t grow up, i’ll grow sideways.
the value of my life does not reside in the futility of getting/being more or less of something, but in my capacity to hold as many truths & experiences as possible at once. i am plural. i am multi-dimensional. i am ever evolving.

if i’m never pausing to witness with gratitude the work i’ve done, the relationships i’ve repaired, the wounds i’ve mended: what’s the point of living life?
tell me and Jesus: what’s the point?!

every word of this tribute sends a kiss of gratitude, love and care.
elia

Tribute n˚183

this week, i commit to embracing confusion & doubt as a gateway to clarity & expansion.
confusion is essential for me to crave clarity. clarity is only possible when i am capable to say no.

while yes opens to a world of possibilities, no focuses on the essential: what i truly want, what i truly deserve, what i feel is meant for me.
confusion is the key to better say no. no facilitates yes.
formulating a cosmic no allows my selves to welcome a cosmic yes: no liberates.

i reject shame and with that i affirm honor and value
i reject greed and affirm generosity
i reject hate and open my selves for love
i reject apathy and affirm active care
i reject cruelty for the benefit of tenderness
i reject hyper rationality and affirm faith and surrender

i reject stagnancy and affirm multiplicity
i reject complacency and affirm the possibility of perfection being already there:

perfection is not something to thrive for but is rather always here to be witnessed

i reject inequity and affirm equality, balance, harmony
i reject disconnection and affirm union
i reject asceticism and affirm abundance

i reject fear and affirm courage
i reject dogma and affirm possibility, expansion and freedom
i reject flimsiness and affirm durability
i reject destruction and affirm repair.
every word of this tribute sends a kiss of love, care & gratitude,
stay safe & rebel dear selflovers!
elia

Tribute n˚182

this week, I learn how to hold my selves softer during transitional phases.

between uncertainty and new beginnings.

between the end of summer and the beginning of fall.

i understand that holding my selves softer does not imply holding my selves together. 

i hold enough space for me to come undone. 

i do so in preparation for better days to come. I surrender to the beginning of the shedding season, fall. 

i distrust messages that imply that my intrinsic value depends on having/being more or less. this isn’t a matter of perfecting, but one of re-membering. i get out of my own way to come into my selves. i have everything i need within. 

when I am in need of answers, i trust that life wants to repair. i commit to looking at my selves and others with the eyes of love, not correction.

every word of this tribute sends a kiss of love, care & gratitude,
stay safe & rebel dear selflovers!
elia

Tribute n˚181

this week, i commit to honour all of my relationships by never losing parts of my selves in them.

i commit to being radically honest with my boundaries. i understand that in the absence of clear boundaries and consent, there can be no flourishing in a relationship. doing this work is as beneficial to me as it is for others.

any one who is more comfortable with a palatable, watered-down version of me is missing out. I refuse to stay in relationships that keep unseeing me.

in return, i keep on staying curious, especially in my long-term relationships: i commit to holding enough space for my loved ones to expand as big as their souls are, change their mind, start over, be the mess that they are.

i enter relationships where i am encouraged to shine my brightest lights. where my lights are never seen as a threat. where my lights make others lights undeniable, stronger and brighter.

together, our colors create new ones only Mother Earth could bless us with.

every word of this tribute sends a kiss of love, encouragement & gratitude,
stay safe & rebel dear selflovers!
elia

Tribute n˚180

This week, i realize how urgent love is.

i make it so by prioritizing my ultimate soulmate: my beloved breathe.

with each and every inhale, i am reminded how eager my life is to meet me, support me, wherever i am, however i show up, whatever my mind thinks of me.
every inhale fills me up with kindness and support towards my selves.
with each and every exhale i release appreciation and gratitude for my life.
my beloved is always eager to support me.

i take my beloved in every time i doubt. every time i fear.
my beloved is always eager to remind me.

i make sure to surround my selves with people, images, energies that affirm & support this precious soulmate of mine. this week, i make love urgent.

every word of this tribute sends a kiss of love, encouragement & gratitude,
stay safe & rebel dear selflovers!elia

Tribute n˚179

this week, i am breaking away from the paradigms that want me to believe that my value resides in meeting external expectations placed on my body.
in a system that was set up to invisibilize or belittle my light, there is no way i get to shine. life is too short for me to constantly dim my light.
following somebody else’s script about how life should be turns me into a cheap version of somebody else’s fantasy.
if i refuse to truly see my selves, there is no way for me to be found.
i am nowhere lost, but every day I make sure to move into me slowly and gently.

by living & embracing the truth of my own weirdness and authenticity, I write love letters to the ones who came before me.
i cast love spells for the bodies that will come after mine.
in a structure too small for the complex grandiosity of my being, there is no such thing as “good enough”.

it is the structure that is too small. not me.

Tribute n˚178

this week, i commit to get closer to my fears. making my fears conscious don’t make them true but easier to face & eventually disprove.

i do so with eternal kindness & patience to my selves. committing to the magic of my healing also means that I have to believe in the tragedies life brings.

i remember that the rock bottom is just a reflection of a sound i make called need. i hear and trust this need of mine.

often, the road to a healed future is through the painful past. what I thought to be true yesterday doesn’t have to be now.

Tribute n˚177

this week, i allow my selves to feel joy. i seek it. i know i deserve it.
when politics seek to make me feel alienated, isolated and scared, joy is my final act of insurrection.
curiosity is the real rebellion.
connection is resistance.
joy never depletes my activism: it sustains it.

Tribute n˚176

this week, I commit to trusting my emotional responses as safe weather forecasts for my inner landscapes.

i trust them to be reliable when they arise in my body. i give them space and time to be expressed, and eventually released.

i understand that we transform and heal most effectively when we are working towards the mirroring of our internal changes with the external ones, and so, if i am committed to the liberation of all beings on planet Earth, i have to make a point of allowing my selves to breathe just a bit deeper each and every day that Life gives me.

i am breathing even deeper when i feel like i didn't live up to my expectations. i am real about the different - and sometimes very ungraceful - stages of transformation. i refuse to lie to my selves about where i am: i understand that that informs where i am going but also depends on where i am coming from.
the quicker i get to my truth the quicker i access my joy, my creative energy. i go where my energy lies.

Tribute n˚175

this week, i allow my selves to be radical about my healing. 

if times are urgent, i know i should be slower and softer with me. 

i understand that my being holds many different (and sometimes contradictory) me. and that’s what make the mess that i am, me. although bringing all parts of me to the table might be counter productive at times, i make a point to tend to all the selves that i carry. i honor all parts of me. 

when in doubt, i commit to giving my selves a break: i don’t have to know now. but i stay curious. i trust that life, because it’s bigger than me, will help me figure it out. i never give up, and when i feel so close to it, i recognize that i'm allowed to give in. life will have the last word anyways: i decide to let life hold me.

when shame comes in about where i am in life, i look back, only to see how far i’ve come. to find meaning and connection to the future, i observe the more-than-human kin: flowers don’t bloom in winter. spring comes and goes. 

i’ve travelled enought to know that every moment of my life takes me to fields where i can better flourish and grow.

Tribute n˚174

the wounds you carry with shame hold the knowledge of your own healing. you have been & always shall be whole: your wounds carry the keys to your wholeness and transformation.

being willing to heal means that you need to converse with those wounds safely so that you can retrieve the wisdom of their gifts. they are waiting for your permission to be revealed. they’ll wait until you are ready. you have been & always shall be whole.

Tribute n˚173

when the world thrives on division,

we become a resource for division instead of a resource for ecological health & ecosystemical abundance within and without.

getting closer to our selves & our lineage unearth deeper wounds that were only waiting to be truly witnessed, just like us. only through this witnessing are we offered the privilege to understand what’s truly ours and what we are ready to let go of, for good.

we can’t heal what we’re avoiding.

healing must be relational.

what the ego can’t face, the dreams will take care of: what is it that we are dreaming of? what are the stories we tell our selves in the secret of our sleep?

in daylight, the mirror isn’t enough to reflect the valleys, the rivers and the subtle  tectonic shifts that happen every day within. if we keep on exploring within, we’ll get closer to us:

proximity breeds care

distance breeds fear,

but whatever road we choose:

there’s no escape to us.

Tribute n˚172

all parts of you should come together without forcing. 

the parts you are resembling might have been disassembled by forces before, above or around you. the rest never belonged to you in the first place.

you must remember that if you can’t get them together now: there is a gift in releasing what gets in our way (sometimes it’s us).

there is a reason for this process & it is asking you to trust it before you can see its results. please take your time, be gentle, you are precious.

but by all means: do not use a hammer. 

Tribute n˚171

‘who cares?’

is such an important and valuable question, it is the rhetorical tone that sucks, the assumption that anyone responding positively is doing ‘the most’ & should be feel ashamed.

are we supposed to want to do the least?

it takes courage to care in a society that replaces words & connection with likes, encourages & favours individualism in the name of capitalism.

it takes care to disrupt harm, disrupt the obsessive making of people-to-be, and instead prioritize nurturance & embody the fullness of our humanity.

it takes care.

I hope you care a little bit more this week, dear selflovers.

Tribute n˚170

Tthe biggest lie of white capitalism is individualism: that we can make it on our own, that we should fear sharing of our abundance, that our energies just like our bodies should only be exploited for productivity. Just like the fishes swimming in waters, we get easily caught up in the waters of capitalism: they become second nature.

what if the purifying, ever life-giving waters are the ones that drown us?

we can resign pushing down those waters for now, ride the wave til we see land and swim safely to shore. open up to community and ask for help: more people than we think are willing to help.

with community and care, even the smallest win feels like an oasis in the middle of the desert. 

Tribute n˚169

it's not that you "managed" or "failed" to outrun sadness.

sadness is everywhere. it's always here for us to connect to. (just like joy).

it is, just like suffering or beauty, (one of) the (many) truth(s) of humanity.

sadness is not the visitor, you are.

<3

Tribute n˚168

imagination often kicks me in the knee:

why only discuss what we can see?

why awaken from a gorgeous dream?

when happiness and sadness have passed into calm, I am reminded that reality is relational:

it never asks to be figured out, so why are we? why do we have to be either/or, why the complexity of identity has to be identified, pinned down, wrong or right, binary? 

(the illusion of) reality invites us in meaningful relationships where the experience between unity and separation keeps us on our feet: everything is a possibility.